The Mickeyfesto™
We hereby promise to:
Ð lie through our teeth to get your votes;
Ð not deliver on any of our promises;
Ð change all our promises once we are in power;
Ð reform absolutely nothing but always make it look like we are doing lots and lots of work behind the scenes;
Ð increase the divide between the haves, the have nots, and the haven’t a clues;
Ð raise taxes, raise value added taxes, create new super taxes, and put a tax on the hidden taxes you don’t already know about;
Ð abuse the expenses gravy train once all the hoo-har has died down; and
Ð wear a hooded top and trainers in Parliment.
We will do this by:
Ð treating you “the tax payer” with complete and utter contempt;
Ð dipping into public finances willy-nilly to bail out institutions regardless of how irresponsible they have been; and by
Ð creating a super-strengthened police state to keep the nanny state firmly in check and stop you from having any kind of life whatsoever.
We will sort out:
Ð Education by making Facebook and Twitter an offical GCSE qualification;
Ð the Economy by making you the tax payer work even harder, even longer and for even less pay;
Ð Immigration by employing the services of DYNOROD to eradicate the problem;
Ð the NHS by selling it off piece-by-piece on Ebay;
Ð Social Care by employing Thora Hird from beyond the grave to head up a crack suicide squad; and
Ð the National Debt by selling the crown jewels and making the royal family work like everyone else for a living.
We will do all of this, at your behest, to the very best of our ability over the next four years, so help you God.
Dear Voter,
The Mickey™ missed the deadline to run as an independent in the general election. And besides, we are neither clever enough nor stupid enough to become a political party. Who in their right mind would seriously want to be a politician anyway? It’s the ninety six percent that gives the other three percent a very bad name as the MP expenses scandal proves.
Power may be the ultimate aphrodisiac, as John Major discovered, however absolute power corrupts, as Tony Blair will refute. History teaches us this time and time again yet we never seem to learn. Politics is merely the art of preventing you ‘the tax payer’ from becoming involved in matters which concern you and the conduct of this country’s affairs.
British society is seriously dissaffected. Ordinary people are becomming increasingly disconnected from politics and disillusioned by politicians. Four out of ten people didn’t bother to vote in the last election. We want those four wasted votes! Vote Mickey!ª is what we are saying. Vote Mickey in the name of art, unemployment and tri-colon political speech writing. Vote Mickey with your middle finger raised and a big smile on your face. Vote Mickey and dare to laugh in the face of politics, politicians and adversity. We encourage you.
Yours truly,
@mickeyfickle
